Wednesday, December 15, 1999

Xmas, Xcetera



Thanksgiving was great. I flew to CT where I was met at the airport by Dan Haar, who is still wearing that same old "THC" hat he has had for years. We stopped at his exciting workplace and his lovely home with its brand new stoop and then met my sister Cindy at a truck stop off of I-84 for a late dinner. My sister doesn't usually hang around truck stops, but this was a special occasion.

I spent the next three days at Cindy's house enjoying the holiday with Annie, Angelo, Chris and Justine. Chris is playing Greenday songs on my old guitar, while Annie and Justine regaled us with wild tales of college dorm life. Not much has changed except they all have computers and pierced body parts. And Annie has a tattoo.


Angelo cooked a sumptuous feast for us and we were later joined by Stephan who was on his own, as Susan and Saile ("John") were hanging out with my folks in Orlando. Stephan drove me to the airport early the next morning and I was home by noon.

No sooner did I get back than I made reservations to return for Xmas.

The next weekend, Mitch Cohodes showed up from Tucson where he has been living for some time (but I don't know why.) Mitch drove in with several fancy chairs that he picked up at various tag sales and second hand shops. He sold or consigned the chairs at a couple of upscale furniture dealers down on Melrose Ave. not far from my place. Apparently Mitch is some kind of chair expert. Anyway it was great seeing him again, he hasn't changed much, except for a few gray hairs. We hung out a Barney's Beanery, flirting with the waitress and watching the Arizona game on ESPN. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) the waitress that I kissed on my birthday wasn't working that night.

Work has been very hectic lately and I've been finding it difficult to make time to work on my screenplay. I finally got a good chunk written last weekend and it's turning out to be pretty interesting and kind of funny.

I've shifted my Friday night run to Saturday morning as it is getting a little cool and quite dark in the evenings. On Saturdays I go up to Lake Hollywood where it is absolutely beautiful (and flat). Last weekend it was sunny and mild and I wore just a t-shirt and shorts. Hard to believe winter is almost here.

As far as Xmas is concerned, here are the facts:

I arrive at Bradley Int'l on Xmas day as do my parents, from there I assume we will go to Cindy's. On Tues the 28th Mom is seeing a Broadway show and the rest of us are going down to NYC to spend the day as well. Everyone is invited, bring the kids. We are still trying to come up with a plan that will allow for eating, shopping, sightseeing and of course, hanging out. That night I hope to take my Dad out to hear some Dixieland jazz if we can find some. Any suggestions are welcome.

I'll be heading back on Y2K day, assuming they still have air travel...

Response to the HOLLYWOOD DICK website has been lukewarm, with only one list of favorite movies received so far, from my cousin Randy, the rocket scientist. Am I to understand that it takes a rocket scientist to click on the highlighted text and type out a simple list of movies? I think not. I hope to post the results so that all may view them, but it sure would be cooler if there were some more results to post.

This may be the last newsletter I ever write, since the end of the world (as we know it) could be just around the corner. It's been a great year, though, and I think the next one will be even better.

Hope everyone is happy and well

Love, Hollywood Dick

Monday, November 15, 1999

Dr. November



Just got off the phone with my friend Amy who, along with her husband, is in the midst of creating a pilot for a sitcom. Coincidentally, I recently sent them a copy of one of my sitcom spec scripts to get their professional opinions on how I'm doing. Their opinion(s): the script is great, and I'm a good writer. Now the question is, if they should happen to sell their pilot and they start looking around for writers, will they put their money where their mouths are. Which when you think about it, is not a pleasant image at all.

Anyway, I really enjoy talking to Amy, because she is funny and smart and gets all my jokes.

Meanwhile I am in the midst of writing a new screenplay, the first to be written from scratch with my new fancy software. And it is a dream come true. The software makes the whole process so much less painful that the only problem now is that I have to stop writing to perform such distracting tasks as "eating," "attending to various bodily functions," (fortunately not all bodily functions require me to leave my computer), "earning a living" (the most annoying of all distractions), "exercise," and "sleep."

But it is a pleasure to take the night off for the purpose of executing this month's newsletter. One other recent event worth mentioning is my ascension into the realm of OLD FARTS. Without any fanfare or much ado, I turned forty two weeks ago. I celebrated the following Friday night at Barney's Beanery with Brian, where I became so enamored of our waitress (Donna) that after we paid our check I went up and kissed her. You can get away with stuff like that when your FORTY, because YOU HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO LOSE. Brian and I then staggered along Sunset Boulevard looking for Sharon Stone until we realized that the person who told us that Sharon Stone was hanging out on Sunset Boulevard was a LIAR.

I shall be spending next week in Woodbury CT with the hardy members of my family who chose not to flee to Florida for the holidays. I'm looking forward to seeing them, I can't believe it's been over a year.

Friday, October 15, 1999

Rocktoberfiestathonapalooza



I celebrated my first anniversary in SoCal by casting the I Ching. My first hexagram was #26 Heaven Within the Mountain, The Taming Power of the Great, and contained this interesting bit of ancient wisdom: "Not eating at home brings good fortune."

That very weekend I found myself at a barbecue hosted by Brian's girlfriend Allison [the same Allison who used to baby-sit for Jon Sperry's cousins back in NYC] Also at this barbecue were a couple named the Gershwins and Karen, a woman I met several parties ago and who works as a story editor at a production company. The Gershwins have recently pitched an idea for a sitcom, so I thought it prudent to send them one of my TV spec scripts. I also sent a script to Karen, my latest comedy, April Fool. Good fortune, I thought. But there's more.

I finally got hold of Peter Byck [the same Peter Byck who is somehow related to, who else: Jon Sperry] and we met for dinner (not at home). Peter told me of his father's plans to start a movie production company back home in Louisville. (This bit of news had already been leaked by Jane Halliday, who read it in the Courier Journal.) They are looking for a financial advisor type to help set up the business, so I recommended Bosworth Todd (Dave's daddy.) Turns out he is a long time pal and had already turned down the job. But, they were impressed with my connections. Peter gave me a script to read and I humbly offered some minor suggestions (I rewrote the whole opening scene.) Luckily, Peter liked my ideas and we are planning to meet again soon. [By the way, Peter used to work with Lauren Lazin and Chris Connelly at MTV, I met Chris when I was dating Sue Kennedy, as they grew up together in NYC, but that is a whole other story...] Anyway, more good fortune.

My second hexagram was #1 The Creative, Heaven, the primal force. I consider this a good hexagram for a screenwriter. I have recently come up with another script idea which I am pretty excited about. I am describing it as a retelling of the story of Sodom & Gomorra, but with aliens in L.A. Naturally it is a comedy. The I Ching also counseled, "in words of the past there lies a hidden treasure." So lately I've been reading the Bible and Aristotle's The Poetics, both downloaded from the Internet, of course.

But the real big news is that I have started running again. I stop off at Pan Pacific Park three times a week on my way home from work and do a few laps. It's been a little rough getting started, but tonight I actually felt good. That is not to say I won't be icing down my knees and ankles tonight, but the aches and pains are less bothersome after only three weeks.

Otherwise I've been working a lot and not writing very much. I'd like to take some time off and crank out this new script, but so long as the golden goose is laying, I'll keep collecting the eggs. I still have some debts to pay off. As Ringo Starr said: Time takes time.

As I was coming into work today I met my friend Dimitri, who moonlights as a trip-hop vocalist. I remarked on how I like the mornings better when the clouds roll in off the water and it's nice and cool. He said that's usually how it is here in the winter, then asked: "Is it winter?" It's hard to keep track of time here. They have some pumpkins and cornstalks in the lobby of our building to remind us that it's autumn (or is it winter?) But I can't help feeling that time is catching up with me. It probably has something to do with my next birthday.

I'll be in Connecticut the week of November 22-26 for some turkey and to check out my niece Annie's new tattoo. Crazy college kids! Hope everyone is doing well. Nice to hear from David Hamburger recently (he's playing guitar for a Broadway show). Send pictures so I can put them in my new screensaver -- jpegs or gifs work best. Time to go put ice on my aching joints.

Love, Hollywood D.

p.s. Congratulations to Ryan and Shannon. (They're engaged.)

Wednesday, September 15, 1999

Try To Remember



First of all, I'm writing this on my new computer! It's an Emachine 400i with megagig hard-bytes and CB RAMs, cellulite processing and 56K moslems. I also got a 15" color monotone and a 720 dpw printer. I have interstate access and bvd drives as well as sound-guards and cereal proliferies. But enough techno babble.

Today marks my sixth month at my temp job, a fact I celebrated by asking for more money. (They want me to fill out a Raise Review Form first.) In just a few days, I will be celebrating another milestone: my first year in California. I've been thinking a lot about what I have accomplished so far, and while it doesn't amount to much, it feels like a solid start. My chief accomplishments have been 1) getting here 2) buying a car 3) finding an apartment 4) getting a job (to pay for the car and the apartment) 5) buying a computer and 6) buying scriptwriting software.

Now I know it seems as though most people might be able to accomplish these tasks in less than a year, but I am satisfied with my glacial progress. The longer I'm out here the more I realize that this isn't going to be a hit and run exercise and I need to prepare for the long haul. My most recent acquisition -- the scriptwriting software -- is the culmination of my year of preparation. It is the ultimate tool for the screenwriter, allowing me to sit down and write, rewrite, edit, rearrange, etc., without ever again having to worry about or hassle with format changes, pagination, headers and footers and all the little conventions of the screenplay form that have been giving me grief for the past five or ten years. It has already substantially increased my life expectancy. Plus it has this cool feature that actually reads your script out loud using various preprogrammed voices.

Meanwhile the rest of the world continues to whirl by, occasionally offering glimpses of what life is like outside my apartment. Mrs. Norman Green (nee Lauren Lazin) was in town for a visit, to pick up an Emmy or two and visit with her west coast friends and associates. I was lucky enough to join her and a group of successful TV producer types at the Jones cafe just down the Blvd. Lauren looked great as always and her friends were very nice. One of them turned out to be Peter Byck, formerly of Louisville, whose brother Dan went to school with my sister Susan and cousin Cathy briefly dated Dave Todd (who didn't?) and is somehow related to the Sperrys (who isn't?). [Speaking of the Sperrys -- Brian "Prince Hal" Nesin's girlfriend Allison used to baby-sit for Jon Sperry's nephews in the world's greatest apartment in the fabulous Majestic on CPW.]

Another married lady was in town recently, Mrs. Daddy-Bear Kiley-Osborn, formerly of New Canaan, who was visiting her father Tim in the Hollywood Hills along with her latest production, the young Casey Rowan Kiley-Osborn of Park Ridge NJ. I spent the evening with Susie, Casey, Tim, Tim Jr., Laura and the lovely and talented Tricia hanging out around the pool, checking out where Ringo and Babs used to live, looking down at the glittering lights below and watching Casey drool. Fortunately I was wearing cotton pants (they're absorbent). The amazing thing about those Kiley-Osborn kids is, you wouldn't think there could be another one as adorable as the first three, but sure enough, they've done it again. Then again, the parents are pretty adorable too.

By the way does anyone know where Dan Haar is? Let me know if you do. My last email to him got returned.

Happy Anniversary to Warren and Pattie Eastman!

Those are the highlights for this month. Don't forget to write back and let me know how you are all doing.

Love, Hollywood Dick

Sunday, August 15, 1999

August Presents



Last night was Little Clay's birthday and there was a party with plenty of barbecued steak for everyone. It wasn't as big as Blake's party, but the food was a little better. They always throw a good party out there, even when they haven't planned one. Take last week for example... To begin with, I had found this book in a used book store that was perfect for Little Clay because it was the history of the Andy Griffith show -- his favorite TV show. I bought it wondering if his birthday was coming up. Sure enough I got a call from Norma the next day inviting me to Little's party. What great timing, I already had a gift! I marked the date on my calender to be sure I wouldn't miss it.

The next night I went out to a club called The Jointe to see my friend Dimitri and his band Zumbi play trip-hop. I wasn't out that late but, apparently it was just enough to compromise my immune system because the next day I had a sore throat and that night a fever. As per the Temp Health Plan, I continued working full days while gobbling echinacea, vitamin C and aspirin. By mid week I was pretty out of it. Meanwhile, I spoke to my friend Jennifer Feraday and asked her if she wanted to come to Little's party. I wanted her to meet the kinfolk so she would feel more welcome in this alien environment (she's from New York.) She agreed to come and I focused my energy on getting well so that I would be up for the party.

On Saturday, I was finally able to sleep in all morning and by that afternoon I was feeling much better, but still a little foggy. I picked up Jennifer, she looked quite beautiful, and coached her on the way as to who would be there, how they were related and what they did. Like me, she is a little apprehensive when dealing with situations involving meeting strangers.

By the time we got to the house, she was fully briefed. We seemed to be the first ones there, as there were no other cars parked out front. I rang the bell and Little came to the door, a bit disheveled, unshaven and with a surprised look on his face. I wondered if it was a surprise party and everyone else was hiding somewhere. He invited us in and I noticed that there seemed to be no preparations for the big event, no decorations, no extra tables, no presents -- and no guests. Big Clay said "Rich, you should have called -- we're just about to eat!" I said "But what about the party?" They all laughed. Norma said, "the party is next week."

Fortunately I couldn't have picked a better time or place to screw up. We ended up having dinner with them and playing a couple of rounds of darts and having a great time. Jennifer got the chance to get to know them a little, more than she would have at the actual party, and they really enjoyed meeting her. I, meanwhile, kept trying to figure out what week it was and how I got there and how I need to get a better calendar.

This week's party was fun too, Jennifer couldn't make it, but everyone was asking about her and everyone got to hear the story of how I came to the party a week early. Little liked his Andy Griffith book, which he waited all week before opening. I'm sure I'll be hearing about this for a long time to come.

In other news: I made a list of all the people who now have my script, which is about a dozen. That includes a couple of new folks via Tricia Kiley whom I saw a few weeks ago and passed along a fresh copy of RED HERRINGS for her to convey to various producers that she keeps in contact with. I'm reading The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and hoping to get some insights into how to make things happen. One of the habits is LEARN HOW TO USE A CALENDAR.

Hope all is well with all of you. Please feel free to write back. There are some of you I haven't heard from in a while. I won't name any names. You know who you are.


Love, Hollywood Dick

Thursday, July 15, 1999

Reborn on the 4th...



I am sending out letters to everyone who has a copy of my script instead of phoning them this month, hoping to whet their appetites with a little taste of wholesome comic goodness. Here is the basic text:


"Dear So and So,
I have been here in Hollywood for over six months now, yet I am just as wide-eyed and innocent as the day I arrived. The sinful lure of obscene wealth has not tainted my rigorous devotion to my craft. Neither has the naked siren's call of unbridled erotic fulfillment swayed my focus from the task at hand. (So to speak.) The Good Lord willing this insufferable situation will soon change before I miss out on all the fun. Hope you are enjoying your summer. Sincerely, etc.

p.s. Enjoy my screenplay RED HERRINGS with your favorite beverage."

Meanwhile I have stumbled onto a few new contacts, one at work through one of the receptionists who knows a certain executive producer. Another is a guy I met recently at cousin Blake's birthday party. I spent most of the party talking with three lovely sheilas from New Zealand (kiwi birds), but fortunately little Clay dragged me away from them long enough to introduce me to an old family friend who is going to try his hand at producing, having worked for several years in post production (like Blake) and having developed a long list of industry contacts. He's going to call his company New Hollywood Productions. Has a nice ring, I think.

A couple of weeks ago I went out to Orange County to visit the Kostalnicks, close family friends from way back in the early Louisville days. They moved out here about thirty years ago, but my Mom has kept in touch with them. It's a little strange seeing a kid who was your best friend when you were eight years old who is now thirty eight. How'd he get so old? But for the most part it was a lot like it was thirty years ago, so much has changed but the basic feelings are still there.

I woke up from a dream the other night in which a group of people were being used as surrogate "imaginers" for those who had lost the ability to use thier own imaginations. It took place in the future where there was a technology that enabled their thoughts to be harvested and transferred into the others. In this (future) society, no one has need for original thought since everything is pre-selected and programmed to function without any confusing choices or risky decisions. Obviously, it is a Utopia very different from our present day chaos. I'm planning to turn it into a screenplay, if I can figure out a way to present the idea in an easily mareketable and commerically viable form that will be immediately grasped as something familiar but with a twist, that tells a universal story particularly suited to 15 - 35 year old test audiences.

I went to Venice beach the other day and was formally baptised in the Pacific Ocean. I guess I am officially a Californian now. Awesome!




I miss you all.

Love, Hollywood D

Tuesday, June 15, 1999

June Gloom



It all starts with a Catalina Eddy, which creates an onshore flow, that, combined with a low level high and a high level low, traps the marine layer in the L.A. basin producing low clouds, fog and -- you guessed it: June Gloom. Experts are predicting that this year's June Gloom (which actually began last month) may in fact last most of the summer. Which is fine by me, because it makes driving to work a lot less blinding. By noon, however the blistering sun has burned it all away and the rest of the day is glorious.


Met some more cousins a few weeks ago, Clay and the gang took me to a BBQ to meet his cousins on his mother's side -- the Koeppers. They live near the beach up in Oxnard and supposedly have an ostrich ranch out in the valley. I was expecting to sample my first ostrich burger, but had to settle for steak. It was great seeing everyone again, and meeting the Koeppers. Seems the family just keeps getting bigger and bigger.

Beck Lee called and set me up as the eyes and ears of a friend of his who's a film distributor, to check out an unreleased film that was being screened out here at the Director's Guild. The film (called Flypaper) didn't impress me much, and I forwarded my cynical observations to the distributor in hopes of preventing him from making the mistake of investing any money in it. It was another one of these 'trying so hard to be cool' indie flicks where everyone runs around talking dirty, doing drugs, committing crimes and causing mayhem for no apparent reason and without much flair. It was cool checking out the Director's Guild though. It's a real nice little setup.


Haven't heard a peep from my illustrious Wesleyan alumni here in Tinseltown, I did make a round of calls, mostly left messages. I did speak to Ed Decter finally but all he said was 'this is a really busy time' and passed the phone to his assistant. I called one of the agents who supposedly had my script only to find out from her assistant that my script had been "recycled." In other words, they just threw it out without bothering to read it. Still waiting to hear from one last agent and Bruce McKenna, who had given me some great notes on April Fool and wanted to take another look at it. I feel like it's time to write something new, although I still have several scripts sitting around that no one's even seen yet.

About the most exciting thing that's happened lately is that I finally got cable TV. For the first month I get a whole slew of bonus channels, including a bunch of classic and independent movie channels. I'm trying to tape all the good ones so that when I revert back to basic service I'll have a nice video library to fall back on.

I guess I'm not feeling very peppy this month -- could be the endless waiting for someone to actually read my script, could be the fact that I miss my friends and family, could be my dismally unfillfilling go-nowhere job, could be the fact that I haven't had a date since Seinfeld ended, could be living in this tiny apartment surrounded by perverts and morons, could be the staggering futility of a meaningless existence in a world where kindness and sincerity are repayed with betrayal and humiliation, could be any one of those things.

But I think it's probably just a case of June Gloom.

See ya'll next time.
Love, Dick

Saturday, May 15, 1999

May the Farce...



Spent the whole month sleeping out in front of Mann's Chinese Theatre to get tickets to the first showing of Star Wars: Episode One -- The Phantom Dentist, only to realize I was in the wrong line and instead ended up with tickets to the new Dreamworks animated musical that tells the inspiring story of the Yalta Conference with Jim Carrey doing the voice of Stalin. Should be a good one. Meanwhile the White and Case connection continues to bear fuit. Master networker Felix "the Vortex" Joseph put me in touch with Leon Fan, former W&C paralegal, now an assistant at Kopelson Entertainment. I sent him The Gray Man and he had me over to his apartment for pizza and gave me his notes. It was pretty cool -- Leon obviously read the script very carefully and put a lot of thought into his comments. I got a bunch of ideas and he said if I can fix it up a little, maybe he'll show it to his boss.

I got tired of waiting around for folks to call back so I decided to shake the tree a little. I called Jude Schneider to ask if I should still be waiting for her to put me in touch with agents or should I just go out and try to find them on my own. I had the names of two agents that she knew and was waiting for her to read my script so she could give me an intro to them -- many agents will not look at your stuff without such a recommendation. She still hasn't read my script but gave me permission to use her name in calling the two agents and gave me the name of a third. Very nice of her. I called them and all three agreed to take a look. One has already kindly passed but I am still waiting to hear from the other two.

Dave Bleecher, another former W&C flunky, showed up on a business trip and he and Leon and I went out to brunch at a chic outdoor cafe on Sunset Strip. While we were sitting there I saw Peter Fonda walk by -- he looks like he's been using his daughter Brigit's hair colorist lately. A few minutes later Zsa Zsa Gabor came by and took a table in the back. Dave has taken up flying lately, mainly it seems because he found this really cute flying instructor. Kind of an expensive way to meet women, but once you get them up in the air at least they can't run away.

Another Wesleyan contact, Bruce McKenna, gave me a call after having read April Fool. I had given him a copy along with Red Herrings a month or two ago. His message on my machine said he thought the script was 'really, really, really...' at that point my machine malfunctioned and completely garbled the rest of the message. Fortunately I already had his number. Turns out he thought the script was 'funny' which is good because it's a comedy. We met the other day near his office in Larchmont Village and he gave me his notes. Again it was great having input from someone who really knows what he's talking about and really paid attention to the script. He said it's 80% there and assigned me to do a rewrite "for free" and get it back to him. If I get it right he'll show it to his producing partner who apparently had something to do with Wayne's World. For the past two weeks I've been going over the script with a fine toothed flair pen trying to "punch" and "tighten" and generally make it 100% "there."

The same day Bruce called I also got a garbled message from David Hamburger letting me know at the last possible minute that he was in town (actually in Pasadena) with the band Salamander Crossing for one night only. Tired as I was, I drove to Pasadena and caught Dave's show, which was very good. The even do a cover version of on of Dave's tunes 'Indigo Rose' which never sounded prettier -- thanks mostly to the voice of their really attractive lead singer and fiddle player whose name I forget but apparently she knows Susan and Stephan from The Buttonwood Tree. By the way, Dave will be playing the Buttonwood -- this week I think, so be sure you camp out for those tickets. They also played a couple of Dave tunes with Dave singing and I for one thought those were some of the better selections of the evening. I got to hang out with Dave and the band afterwards while they packed up the min-van and got ready for the next gig. That's life on the road. It was great seeing Dave, now I guess it's time for the Hefster to come visit me.

For about a week, I thought I was going to move into a two bedroom apartment with Brian. His lease is up and he's tired of his neighbor's dogs - so he's looking for a new place. We looked at a real nice place just a few blocks away but the timing didn't work out for me as I would have had to forfeit my deposit and pay double rent for two weeks. Besides I'm kind of enjoying flying solo. Anyway, we decided to pass and now Brian is mostly looking for one-bedrooms. I think the fact that he has a new girlfriend is influencing his decision.

Last week, to take a break from writing, I decided to go on a short walk in Topanga State Park. The park comprises 10,000 acres of hills and canyonland between Sunset Boulevard, the Pacific Coast Highway and Malibu Canyon and is very beautiful, especially now when there are wildflowers blooming just about everywhere. I left my car at 11 a.m. and took a trail called Santa Ynez Canyon. I kind of lost track of time and ended up climbing up out of the canyon and along the ridge where I hit another trail with two pretty women hiking along it. I asked them what was up the way they'd come and they said there's a great view from Eagle Rock. So I figured, I've come this far... By the time I got to Eagle Rock it was 1:30 p.m. and I still hadn't had lunch. I asked a cyclist (you wouldn't believe how many of these nutjobs are riding mountain bikes along these steep canyon trails) He directed me down the trail where I met another cyclist (this guy was about sixty years old) who told me roughly how to get back to my car. When I finally reached the car it was 3:30 p.m. and I was exhausted, starving and delerious. Judging from the trail markers, I walked at least 10 miles, but it could have been closer to 11 or 12 for all I know. I ended up running the last couple miles just to get it over with. Needless to say I didn't get much writing done that day.

Work is going well, they have no plans to get rid of me yet -- although I may soon lose my window office. The weather has settled into the typical pattern, hazy in the morning and sunny and mild all day every day. I'm thinking about my next trip east, might try to make Maine for the Fourth. Hope everyone is doing well -- I'd love to hear from y'all. Time for me to get back to the rewrite.

Love, Hollywood Dick


Thursday, April 15, 1999

Why Do April Fools Fall In Love?


Just got back from Apalachicola where I attended the wedding of Dave Todd and Shellie Williams -- an event that proves that no matter how cynical and jaded we've become, and despite recent reports in the New York Times and on NPR that romance is dead and true love merely a delusional state caused by sleep deprivation and high-density lipoproteins, we are still drawn by unseen forces to travel great distances, overcoming barriers of time and logic, to dress up in our nicest clothes, drink large amounts of alcohol, eat cheese balls and behave like moonstruck chimps at a high-school prom, all to celebrate the union of a man and a woman. And possibly to score with a bridesmaid. But I'll get to that in a minute.

Spring arrived here in the LA basin with its cold, cloudy, rainy and windy weather that makes one yearn for the beautiful warm sunny days of February. Along with the Spring, my fellow Mariner Rob Sherman arrived with his recently enlarged family. When I last saw them it was his wife, Rifka, who was recently enlarged, but since then Rifka has returned to human size and baby Jona has joined the team along with his big sis, Clio. Rob is working on the music for a surfer flick called 'A Shark Ate Larry' and was out here meeting with the film-maker and visiting left coast relatives. Brian and I met them for dinner and then took Rob on a night-time tour of Mullholland drive so he look down on the famous glittering lights of la-la-land.

April Fools Day came and went and yet I still haven't sold a screenplay. I figured that since my latest script is titled 'April Fool' that someone out here would pick up on the hint and snap it up in time to create some clever P.R. buzz. I guess they're going to need a little more prodding. I did get in touch with another contact, a guy I worked with in NYC who now works out here at Kopelson Ent. (they did The Fugitive, Seven, A Perfect Murder). I sent him The Gray Man as it seems to fit in with their 'smart thriller' type of theme. Still trying to arrange a meeting with him though.

Easter Sunday I went back over to Norma and Clay's for a wonderful dinner that featured Clay's deep fried turkey - which tastes much better than it sounds. The Bird is boiled in peanut oil for about 30 mins. and comes out tasty and juicy. However, it seems that Clay decided to 'recycle' the peanut oil from the last time he cooked a turkey and apparently that element of the preparation did not agree too well with my rather delicate constitution. I spent the next four days reeling and gasping in gut-wrenching agony, getting very little sleep, eating small amounts of boiled potato and chicken broth and missing work, hoping like hell I wouldn't suffer any gastric attacks at 35,000 feet on my way to Florida. Fortunately, by the time I got on the plane early Friday morning, I was on the flight path to recovery.

When I arrived in Atlanta I met up with Kevin Osborn and we flew down to Tallahassee together where Kevin had rented a car to take us to Apalachicola. It's always great to see Kev and we had a good time driving through rural Florida and making fun of Dave's Faulknerian travel directions. When we arrived, exactly on time, at the restaurant where the friday night dinner was held, we discovered that we were the only ones there. Could we have made a mistake? Dolores the owner just shook her head and said, 'Oh no, they're usually late.' Clearly she had prior experience with Dave.

We sat and waited while folks drifted in and it was a great treat to see so many familiar faces from all through the years: Jane Halliday and Whit Stodghill showed up -- Jane is one of the original Louisville girls that have held a special place in my heart since I was first old enough to fantasize. Jane is an accomplished violinist and played at the wedding, and Whit is an Episcopal priest who took part in the ceremony as well. Dave got everyone in on the act.

Dave's family came in, his mom Joan, brothers Sam and Jimmy and father Boz, along with Boz's third wife. Boz cracked the same joke on seeing me that he made everytime I used to visit Dave's house: 'Richard, I hope we have enough food for you.' Boz also got off the best line of the evening when he said: 'And you got to meet two of my three wives!' Jimmy was nearly unrecognizeable being about twice the size since I last saw him and sporting a beard. An observant lad, he immediately pointed out my distinguished gray temples. As Jimmy was a bit oversubscribed with best man duties, I became his lieutenant for the weekend.

Finally Dave and Shellie arrived and having thought I wasn't going to make it, Dave was nearly floored to find me there. Shellie is as sweet as a magnolia blossom and twice as lovely. And her family was cool, too. I mainly hung out with her nephew, Tanner - age 5, who served as ring bearer as well as zombie killer.

Vance Hancock came in with pregnant wife and two young sons. He had just driven them all down from CT and had to leave early to turn around and drive them back. It was particularly moving to see Vance after all these years, as he was one of my closest pals from the old days and, despite the fact that he is now a lawyer for the phone company, just as genuine and fine a guy as ever.

Several college buddies also made the scene: Dan Haar who I see now more than when I lived two hours from his house and who put me up for the weekend. Ted Parker who I haven't seen in way long but fell right back into the groove. Tony Marx, who I mainly knew through Dave but very much enjoyed hanging out with. And last but not least -- he didn't make it in til the next day, Joel Kreisberg, who is now in Berkeley and perhaps I will get up there sometime soon.

Met a couple of Dave's friends from Charleston SC and Tallahassee as well, Bob and Robert and Paula among them. The story goes, Dave somehow ended up in Charlottesville VA and fell in love with a woman named Sage. She moved to Charleston and Dave followed here there, getting a job in the same college where she worked. Then they broke up. Later Dave met Shellie. In fact when I was on a road trip to Florida a few years back with my sister Sue and her son, we stopped in at Dave's on the day of his first date with Shellie. Anyway -- they got serious, got engaged, sent out wedding info, and then they broke up. Shellie moved to Tallahassee -- and Dave followed her. Dave moved in with her and then he moved out again. Dave got his own apartment, joined a men's group, learned african drumming, got a REAL JOB -- and eventually wore Shellie down. And the rest is a matter of public record.

Saturday was like many a wedding day, there was a lot of schedule arranging to try and get a completely disparate group of people to coordinate various seemingly simple tasks, yet each of which carried with it the urgency of open heart surgery. One complicating factor was that out of all of us Wesleyan graduates, the so-called groomsmen, grown-up reliable professional men, some of whom even bear the responsibility of fatherhood, only one (Tony Marx) was actually wearing a watch. Tony is a fully tenured professor of political science at Columbia University as well as the father of two and can surely be counted on to remain calm in a crisis situation. And sure enough when the rest of us were running around looking for ice or shaving cream or boutonnieres (or running down to the beach) Tony was completely unfazed and unruffled -- and sound asleep in his room. But he was wearing his watch. That fact came in handy when he finally awoke and realized he was already ten minutes late for the ceremony.

The wedding went off without a hitch, unless you count the fact the professional newsman and wedding photographer Dan Haar's camera equipment crapped out about the time the priest said "dearly beloved" Fortunately Dan had a backup -- one of those disposable jobs you get at the drug store. Joel did a very nice and completely unrehearsed reading from the pulpit. Dave, looking like James Bond in his tux, recited his vows with deep conviction. Jane's playing was beautiful.

The reception was a hoot, three of the four Todd men: Jimmy, Dave and Boz showed us all what is means to cut a rug. The band kept things going for several hours while Dave danced everyone else into a coma. Jimmy and I tied several oversized metal canisters that each hold a twelve pack of Heinekens to the back of Dave's car but we had no shaving cream (all we could find was gel) so Jimmy slopped some mayonnaise into a frosting squeezer and wrote all over the car in mayo. If you think that's gross, you should have seen it the next day after Dave had left it out in the sun all afternoon.

The party carried on back at the hotel where a couple members of the band tried to put the moves on some of the members of Shellie's women's group. Apparently, not even musicians are a match for these new-age babes. Dan Haar demonstrated his dedication to duty by giving the bride's younger sister some instruction in the art of frisbee throwing out in front of the hotel at about two a.m. Most of the boys ended up watching Star Trek 2 (The Wrath of Khan) in Joel and Kevin's room. Kevin, who also had no watch, ended up staying up all night so that he wouldn't miss his flight back to Newark and possibly end his own marriage.

Most everyone left the next morning, except for a few of us who went back to the beach one last time. Ted and Danny and Irma (who is the widow of Joel's older brother) gave me a ride back to Tallahassee and I stayed at Shellie's place -- now Shellie and Dave's place -- for the night. Paula and Bob came and picked me up and gave me a tour of the city and fed me some tasty grouper for dinner. It was a genuine display of southern hospitality.

When I got back to LA it was cold wet and rainy, but that felt good on my sunburn. My car was right where I left it and started right up. It's good to be home. Tomorrow at work I will either find out that the case has been settled or they will want to fly me down to San Diego to bring back more documents. I'm hoping for the latter, I need the documents.

Talk to you next month.

"Louisville" Rich

Monday, March 15, 1999

In Like a Lyin' Son of a...



Today was the LA Marathon, an amazing test of endurance and stamina that stretches the boundaries of tolerance to physical stress and mental hardship -- but folks here in LA are tough, seasoned competitors and, despite the enormity of the task, were able to withstand the tremendous traffic jams and day-long gridlock for which the marathon is legendary. Apparently there is also some sort of footrace involved.

Speaking of tolerance to stress and hardship, I just finished my first week of work at a downtown law firm. It's not a bad place, I have and office with a window and a view of the Hollywood sign. Things are a little different out here than what I am used to. The first day around 5 p.m. I noticed that things had become eerily silent outside my office door and I went out to investigate. To my astonishment, I found that EVERYONE WAS GONE. It seems that out here, people go home at the end of the business day (which in New York firms is referred to as 'taking a half day off.') On wednesday, the partner on the case I'm on (whose office is conveniently located next to mine) was out all day -- PLAYING GOLF! It took me a while to get used to this bizarre comportment, but I think I may get to like it.

The commute is not nearly as bad as I thought, I spend about ten minutes on Santa Monica Blvd. (at 40 mph) getting to the freeway where I spend twenty minutes (at 15 mph) to get downtown. The car is working now, although I had some problems starting it a few weeks ago. I called the local mechanic and told him sometimes it starts just fine and sometimes it doesn't catch and I have to wait exactly nine minutes and then it starts fine. He said if it starts he can't tell what's wrong with it, so I should wait until the problem becomes more frequent. Later that day I was driving down Sunset at rush hour and the car DIED in the middle of the road. I pushed it onto a side road and left it in front of a very large house in Beverly Hills, walking the two miles home. The next day I went to get it and sure enough, it started right up. Taking no more chances, I drove straight to the mechanic's. They put in a new fuel pump and now it starts first time every time.

I hooked up with a couple of lovely young actresses named Jennifer and Liz, who I know through my friend Tom Blake. Jen and Liz are out here for Pilot Season -- which I suppose is something like Fleet Week in Brooklyn. We had a great lunch together discussing an idea for a TV show they want to do on community access. They said I could be the writer. Last night, in fact, Jennifer and I got together for a brainstorming session -- however, due to the unforseen meterological influence of a certain 'Jose Cuervo' the brainstorm turned into patchy fog with occasional drizzle. We had a good time though, and I look forward to working closely with Jennifer and Liz (individually and in tandem) as soon as weather permits. (Ed. note -- before you get any ideas, forget it: one's married the other's engaged.)

My networking at the CAA shindig paid off in several respects -- I got the name of a Vice President at William Morris who is looking at my script April Fool, also I called a guy who writes for Suddenly Susan and sent him a TV script. A writer/producer I met that night is looking at two scripts. And Paul Schiff, who I spoke with briefly that night and whose movie Rushmore has been hanging in there at the box office, called me back after I gave him a follow-up call. He said he's looking forward to reading Red Herrings and it's at the 'top of his list.' He didn't say which list. I did a re-write of a third script called In Your Dreams so just in case the first two get sold right away, I'll be ready with the next one.



I'm expecting good news at the end of this month, not for any particular reason, except I did find a cricket in my bathroom just now and everybody knows that a cricket in your bathroom means good luck. At least I hope it was a cricket.


My job should last at least another couple weeks and depending on an upcoming ruling by the court, could go on indefinitely. But I'd much rather sell a screenplay.

Love, Rich
aka 'Hollywood Dick'

Monday, February 15, 1999

Shindig Skinny

Just got back from the big shindig over at CAA (major agency once headed by Michael Ovitz, now run by Wes grad Rick Nicita) in honor of film dept. guru Jeanine Basinger. This was the major schmooze-fest of the year for the Wesleyan film community and one which I almost missed since I somehow got left off the invite list. Luckily my friend Jude (Dreamworks) told me about it after she told me that she still hasn't read my script because she lost it. She suggested I bring it to CAA and give it to her in person. I decided to take the opportunity to give it a nice polish and incorporate her advice from our last meeting. I also called everyone I could think of to get me an invitation. As it turned out they were very apologetic and I was added to the guest list.

I also spent some time putting together some screenplay summaries for Greg, an aspiring director I am contemplating working with (if he lets me). Between the rewrite and the summaries I've been pretty busy, but not so busy that I didn't notice that my phone hasn't rung in a while. Out of three temp agencies, I still have no job. Anyway, I got my rewritten script, my punched-up summaries and a list of everyone I have spoken to, or heard about since I got here and put on some writerly looking clothes (jeans and a sportcoat) and went to the party.

The first person I met was Dave Bartholomew, a lawyer who has lived here since '82, the same year he used to come down and visit us in San Diego. Dave is a great guy and knows everyone in LA so he became my guide. I paid homage to Jeanine, mentioning that I am Susan Allison's brother always gets a good response -- I used the same strategy with Wes. pres. Doug Bennett and his wife Midge. Doug said I had some good genes and at first I thought he meant my pants but then I realized he was referring to my illustrious sister and my Dad, the guy who helped organize the whopping million dollar alumni contribution a while back. Midge said "I met your mom!" She didn't know where but said she introduced herself as "Susan Allison's mother."

I saw Greg and gave him the summaries and started scanning the room for Jude, I really wanted to get the script out of my hands, as it made me feel quite self-conscious to be carrying a script around at such an event. Ran into Akiva Goldsman and told him his assistant had read my stuff and said it was very good. He said 'give me a call and stop by' I said, 'you betcha.' Saw Paul Schiff and congratulated him on his bit part in his new movie Rushmore (he plays the waiter) He said 'your my one fan.' I told him at least now he has something to fall back on.

I met a friend of Dave's named Bruce McKenna (another writer -- everyone by the way is wearing jeans and sportcoats) and told him I was finding it hard to locate the people I've never met since no one was wearing nametags. (I did however notice the very attractive Dana Delaney sitting under a ficus talking to Akiva.) Bruce asked who I was looking for, I mentioned a name and he said 'I just met him' and led me to Bill Wolkoff, assistant to Ed Decter, I've been bugging Bill for many weeks as he has a movie and a TV script of mine. He's training for the marathon. I recommended drinking lots of beer. 'The night before?' he asked. 'No -- during the race.'

Bill pointed out his boss Ed and I went over and introduced myself, unfortunately we were interrupted by some speeches given by Jeanine and Doug. It turns out that Ed is good friends with Dave Bartholomew. I saw Chris Dorr and asked him when his new Paul Newman movie is coming out. They're still working on it. Nearby, I noticed a stunningly beautiful blonde of the type you see a lot in LA (Miss November '97?) but very rarely at a Wesleyan function. The mystery was cleared up when her date Michael Bay appeared at her side with two glasses of red wine. They say he has a really nice home theater system. I saw Larry Mark , whom I sent Merlin to years ago, but he was constantly surrounded by ass-kissing punks who wouldn't leave him alone long enough for me to go over and kiss his ass.

Every so often I'd circle the room to make sure I hadn't missed Jude coming in late or something but never saw her. I finally decided to leave, and ran into Brad Whitford. I said hi and he said, 'Dave Bartholomew told me you were here.' Who knew? I told him I thought he was excellent in A Perfect World (he shoots Kevin Costner) and he ate that up. I would have talked to him sooner but he was over in the corner hanging out with Dana Delaney and Akiva and those people are even more intimidating when they're all clumped together like that. Did I mention how attractive Dana Delaney is?

Anyway, I finally dragged my ass out of there after almost three hours of record breaking (for me anyway) schmoozing, still clutching the script I had specially rewritten and brought with me to hand deliver to Jude. Oh, well -- she probably would have lost it anyway.

Not a lot else is happening around here. I had another nice visit from Dan Haar, and Brian and I inaugurated our ongoing Scrabble tournament. After two grueling games we are tied. Watched the Super Bowl with Clay, Norma and Clay jr., which was great (not the game, though) Met some friends of Brian's who are in the biz, am trying to schedule a get-together with a nice woman named Karen, but she's always busy. Car is running well, though I never use it. Once a week I take it out on the freeway just to let it stretch out a little. Hopefully after tonight someone will actually read one of my scripts and call me with good news. Like the I Ching says: "Perseverance brings good fortune to the Wanderer..."

p.s. (next day) called Jude and sent her the script -- fingers crossed

Friday, January 15, 1999

Death Valley


Moved out of Norma and Clay's on 12/22 exactly three months after arriving in LA and drove to my interim digs at Stephanie's apartment in Culver City. (She is back in Chicago for the holiday). Made myself right at home while working out the details of my new semi-permanent location. It's a good place, nothing fancy but well situated in the heart of things and surrounded by all the modern conveniences. Also a lot gay bars. Best of all I'm just a short walk from Brian's place. It's great to have a friend nearby.

Last thursday I moved out of Stephanie's place, stopped off and picked up my mattress, tied it to the roof and brought it to my new home. After setting up my bed I went over to Home Depot for a few important items (I've been scouring the thrift shops in Hollywood and Culver City trying to outfit my place without going broke, but there are certain things you can only get at HD). Got home fom the depot and was really looking forward to a trial snooze in my new bed...

Then Brian calls, it's New Year's Eve and I've been asking him to keep on the lookout for a party with lots of the cute architect babes in attendance. But it seems all the single ones are out of town. I met many of them at Brian's birthday party, a half dozen attractive, harvard-educated female architects who all work in Santa Monica. (So that's where they keep them.)

Anyway Brian in his inimitable wisdom has decided we should go to Death Valley for New Years. Sounded good to me. He comes over and we grab some pizza, pack and take off for the desert, figuring we'll drive til we get tired and stop off at one of many roadside motels we'll no doubt encounter along the way.

Problem is it's New Year's Eve and the road to Death Valley is the same as the road to Las Vegas and THERE AIN'T NO GODDAMN HOTEL ROOMS! We end up at the Nevada State Line at a cheesy casino where Brian wins $20 at slots and we celebrate by falling asleep in the car in the parking lot.

After a restful one hour's sleep we double back to Baker CA home of the World's Tallest Thermometer (but not the World's Tallest Rectal Thermometer). From Baker we head north to DV, first stopping in the sleepy RV mecca of Tecopa where we have the good fortune of finding a public hot spring. So Bri and I join the old-timers from the RV park across the highway at 7 a.m. on New Year's Day for a soak in the hot springs -- it was fantastic. Afterwards we drove up to Shoshone at the southern entrance to DV and had a hearty breakfast.


Death Valley was incredible, words cannot convey the majesty, serenity, beauty, strangeness, and wonder of this unique place. We stopped at a place called Bad Water the lowest point in the U.S. at 282 feet below sea level. It is in the middle of a ten thousand year old dried up lake bed covered with a layer of white salt that stretches to the horizon in both directions and is bounded on the sides by the most unusually colored and sculpted mountains in the world.

Later we stopped at a place called Golden Canyon and despite (or because of) the fact that we were delerious from too much sun and very little sleep we decided to hike to a lookout called Zabriskie Point (where they filmed the movie of the same name). We made it to ZP then kind of got lost coming back (we decided to try a 'shortcut') but met some fellow wanderers and made it back to the car just in time for an incomparable sunset.

Once again we were too late for the local hotel, but someone suggested we try Lone Pine, a mere 100 miles away. After a needed meal we set off, crossing another mountain range in the dark, but with the brightest full moon I have ever witnessed to guide us. When we came down from the eastern ridge of DV we encountered another dry lake bed and turned north, we could see some spectacular mountains further to the east, their peaks glowing with moonlit snow. We got to the hotel and collapsed.

The next morning we awoke to behold Mount Whitney, the tallest peak in the contiguous U.S. rising up before us like a mighty jagged god. Lone Pine is the site of many a movie western and the walls of the hotel are covered with movie posters and photos of John Wayne, Gary Cooper, Steve McQueen, Roy Rogers and more. We reflected on the fact that the day before we had been in the lowest place in the country and now we faced the highest -- a fitting image for the new year.

We attempted to drive up to the trail head where you can hike up to the summit, but the road was closed from the snow. I made a vow to return to Lone Pine and hike the ten miles from the Whitney Portal (elevation 8365 feet) to the summit (elevation 14,495 feet). There is a trail camp at 12,000 feet where you can spend the night. It will be an intense three day hike. We'll have to wait for the snow to melt first.

We drove home that day and I fell asleep at 8 pm and slept for 12 hours, my first night in my new apartment.

Now I'm ready to start back on the business at hand. Seems like forever since I was working so feverishly to make all those screenplay contacts, but now is a good time to start re-establishing communications and make something happen.

Hope everyone is well and having a fine '99.

p.s. I borrowed Stephanie's copy of Dave Barry's Complete Guide to Guys and have found it to be the funniest book ever written by a guy about guys. I recommend ot to anyone who knows a guy or who is himself a guy.

Newsletter Gallery #1

Carving pumpkins with Norma and Clay

At the Hollywood Reservoir with Dan

The Dealmobile parked on the 'Seinfeld Street' at CBS Radford studios

Farmers Market


The La Jolla apartments


Tecopa Hot Springs


Zabriskie Point


Mount Whitney