August Presents

Last night was Little Clay's birthday and there was a party with plenty of barbecued steak for everyone. It wasn't as big as Blake's party, but the food was a little better. They always throw a good party out there, even when they haven't planned one. Take last week for example... To begin with, I had found this book in a used book store that was perfect for Little Clay because it was the history of the Andy Griffith show -- his favorite TV show. I bought it wondering if his birthday was coming up. Sure enough I got a call from Norma the next day inviting me to Little's party. What great timing, I already had a gift! I marked the date on my calender to be sure I wouldn't miss it.

The next night I went out to a club called The Jointe to see my friend Dimitri and his band Zumbi play trip-hop. I wasn't out that late but, apparently it was just enough to compromise my immune system because the next day I had a sore throat and that night a fever. As per the Temp Health Plan, I continued working full days while gobbling echinacea, vitamin C and aspirin. By mid week I was pretty out of it. Meanwhile, I spoke to my friend Jennifer Feraday and asked her if she wanted to come to Little's party. I wanted her to meet the kinfolk so she would feel more welcome in this alien environment (she's from New York.) She agreed to come and I focused my energy on getting well so that I would be up for the party.

On Saturday, I was finally able to sleep in all morning and by that afternoon I was feeling much better, but still a little foggy. I picked up Jennifer, she looked quite beautiful, and coached her on the way as to who would be there, how they were related and what they did. Like me, she is a little apprehensive when dealing with situations involving meeting strangers.

By the time we got to the house, she was fully briefed. We seemed to be the first ones there, as there were no other cars parked out front. I rang the bell and Little came to the door, a bit disheveled, unshaven and with a surprised look on his face. I wondered if it was a surprise party and everyone else was hiding somewhere. He invited us in and I noticed that there seemed to be no preparations for the big event, no decorations, no extra tables, no presents -- and no guests. Big Clay said "Rich, you should have called -- we're just about to eat!" I said "But what about the party?" They all laughed. Norma said, "the party is next week."

Fortunately I couldn't have picked a better time or place to screw up. We ended up having dinner with them and playing a couple of rounds of darts and having a great time. Jennifer got the chance to get to know them a little, more than she would have at the actual party, and they really enjoyed meeting her. I, meanwhile, kept trying to figure out what week it was and how I got there and how I need to get a better calendar.

This week's party was fun too, Jennifer couldn't make it, but everyone was asking about her and everyone got to hear the story of how I came to the party a week early. Little liked his Andy Griffith book, which he waited all week before opening. I'm sure I'll be hearing about this for a long time to come.

In other news: I made a list of all the people who now have my script, which is about a dozen. That includes a couple of new folks via Tricia Kiley whom I saw a few weeks ago and passed along a fresh copy of RED HERRINGS for her to convey to various producers that she keeps in contact with. I'm reading The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and hoping to get some insights into how to make things happen. One of the habits is LEARN HOW TO USE A CALENDAR.

Hope all is well with all of you. Please feel free to write back. There are some of you I haven't heard from in a while. I won't name any names. You know who you are.


Love, Hollywood Dick

Reborn on the 4th...

I am sending out letters to everyone who has a copy of my script instead of phoning them this month, hoping to whet their appetites with a little taste of wholesome comic goodness. Here is the basic text:

"Dear So and So,
I have been here in Hollywood for over six months now, yet I am just as wide-eyed and innocent as the day I arrived. The sinful lure of obscene wealth has not tainted my rigorous devotion to my craft. Neither has the naked siren's call of unbridled erotic fulfillment swayed my focus from the task at hand. (So to speak.) The Good Lord willing this insufferable situation will soon change before I miss out on all the fun. Hope you are enjoying your summer. Sincerely, etc.

p.s. Enjoy my screenplay RED HERRINGS with your favorite beverage."

Meanwhile I have stumbled onto a few new contacts, one at work through one of the receptionists who knows a certain executive producer. Another is a guy I met recently at cousin Blake's birthday party. I spent most of the party talking with three lovely sheilas from New Zealand (kiwi birds), but fortunately little Clay dragged me away from them long enough to introduce me to an old family friend who is going to try his hand at producing, having worked for several years in post production (like Blake) and having developed a long list of industry contacts. He's going to call his company New Hollywood Productions. Has a nice ring, I think.

A couple of weeks ago I went out to Orange County to visit the Kostalnicks, close family friends from way back in the early Louisville days. They moved out here about thirty years ago, but my Mom has kept in touch with them. It's a little strange seeing a kid who was your best friend when you were eight years old who is now thirty eight. How'd he get so old? But for the most part it was a lot like it was thirty years ago, so much has changed but the basic feelings are still there.

I woke up from a dream the other night in which a group of people were being used as surrogate "imaginers" for those who had lost the ability to use thier own imaginations. It took place in the future where there was a technology that enabled their thoughts to be harvested and transferred into the others. In this (future) society, no one has need for original thought since everything is pre-selected and programmed to function without any confusing choices or risky decisions. Obviously, it is a Utopia very different from our present day chaos. I'm planning to turn it into a screenplay, if I can figure out a way to present the idea in an easily mareketable and commerically viable form that will be immediately grasped as something familiar but with a twist, that tells a universal story particularly suited to 15 - 35 year old test audiences.

I went to Venice beach the other day and was formally baptised in the Pacific Ocean. I guess I am officially a Californian now. Awesome!



I miss you all.

Love, Hollywood D

June Gloom

It all starts with a Catalina Eddy, which creates an onshore flow, that, combined with a low level high and a high level low, traps the marine layer in the L.A. basin producing low clouds, fog and -- you guessed it: June Gloom. Experts are predicting that this year's June Gloom (which actually began last month) may in fact last most of the summer. Which is fine by me, because it makes driving to work a lot less blinding. By noon, however the blistering sun has burned it all away and the rest of the day is glorious.

Met some more cousins a few weeks ago, Clay and the gang took me to a BBQ to meet his cousins on his mother's side -- the Koeppers. They live near the beach up in Oxnard and supposedly have an ostrich ranch out in the valley. I was expecting to sample my first ostrich burger, but had to settle for steak. It was great seeing everyone again, and meeting the Koeppers. Seems the family just keeps getting bigger and bigger.

Beck Lee called and set me up as the eyes and ears of a friend of his who's a film distributor, to check out an unreleased film that was being screened out here at the Director's Guild. The film (called Flypaper) didn't impress me much, and I forwarded my cynical observations to the distributor in hopes of preventing him from making the mistake of investing any money in it. It was another one of these 'trying so hard to be cool' indie flicks where everyone runs around talking dirty, doing drugs, committing crimes and causing mayhem for no apparent reason and without much flair. It was cool checking out the Director's Guild though. It's a real nice little setup.

Haven't heard a peep from my illustrious Wesleyan alumni here in Tinseltown, I did make a round of calls, mostly left messages. I did speak to Ed Decter finally but all he said was 'this is a really busy time' and passed the phone to his assistant. I called one of the agents who supposedly had my script only to find out from her assistant that my script had been "recycled." In other words, they just threw it out without bothering to read it. Still waiting to hear from one last agent and Bruce McKenna, who had given me some great notes on April Fool and wanted to take another look at it. I feel like it's time to write something new, although I still have several scripts sitting around that no one's even seen yet.

About the most exciting thing that's happened lately is that I finally got cable TV. For the first month I get a whole slew of bonus channels, including a bunch of classic and independent movie channels. I'm trying to tape all the good ones so that when I revert back to basic service I'll have a nice video library to fall back on.

I guess I'm not feeling very peppy this month -- could be the endless waiting for someone to actually read my script, could be the fact that I miss my friends and family, could be my dismally unfillfilling go-nowhere job, could be the fact that I haven't had a date since Seinfeld ended, could be living in this tiny apartment surrounded by perverts and morons, could be the staggering futility of a meaningless existence in a world where kindness and sincerity are repayed with betrayal and humiliation, could be any one of those things.

But I think it's probably just a case of June Gloom.

See ya'll next time.
Love, Dick